That I Am Pretty

When I was a kid, I noticed that my complexion is not as fair as other kids my age.  I noticed that all color of clothes suits them, but me, my brown complexion looks a lot darker in bright coloers.  There are times that some kids teased me as “negra” or “baluga” that bothers me and lowered my self esteem.

            

 When I was a teenager, the comparison of the brown and fair complexion became worse.  I noticed that the boys are attracted to fair ones while brown ones are a lot far away from popularity.  Pointed nose are in while pango nose are out.  Curly hairs are teased as “kulot salot”while those who have long straight black hair are beautiful.  At school, most muse are fair skinned and in beauty contest, the winner is always the fair one even if she talked non sense, while the smart, beautiful but brown one is always the loser.  I would say to a friend, "paitimin mo yun, maganda pa kaya siya?! pero yung isa maganda kahit maitim, eh di lalo kung pumuti sya."  And they just all agree.

So I did became conscious with my appearance.  I did ways to whiten my skin color.  I used whitening soaps and lotions, but after three bottles, nothings changed.  My ate used this papaya soap which she really became whiter but sad to say it didn't work for me.  I used calamansi soaps which lighten my skin but not as light as I want it to be.  I had my hair treated in a well known salon but it just damaged my long straight black hair.  I dress more girly than the usual shirt, jeans and sneakers.  People noticed the curve on my body which really built up my self confidence.  I learned to accessorize and read some articles about fashion and make ups/  A close friend and a teacher of mine once told me that " wala pa ring tumatalo sa trono nyo na timatabi ang mga estudyante pag dumadaan kayo sa hallway/  And that -- I really feel pretty.  I started to wear bright color clothes.  From the usual black, white and blue, now-- orange, green and yellow.  I read that dull colors make skin even darker while bright colors make dark skin glow.  Guys at school would smile and be friend with me unlike before that guys always tease me.  Little by little, I built mu own self confidence and gained a lot of compliments from other people.  


When I started to work people asked me "Bumbay ka ba?" or "May ibang lahi ka ba?"  And I will just smile and said "Oo, Ilocano at Zambal".  Maybe because the typical Bumbay look is what my face looks like.  Brown skin, bright eyes, pointed nose, long eyelashes, straight black hair.  I once told a workmate " Sana mauso din and mga telenovela galing India para mauso naman ang beauty ko, lagi na lang kasi Koreanovela at Chinovela kaya puro mapuputi at singkit anf magaganda ngayon."  And we just both laughed.


In some ways, maybe I am pretty.  Maybe I am gorgeous.  But now, I love myself more.  I learned to accept what God and my genes gave me.  Being brown is not as bad as I think it was.  Not all guys will appreciate what beauty I have but what the heck?!  As long as my man appreciates me and on his eyes.. I am the most beautiful woman and that satisfies me.